Kerry On the Spot

on October 17, 2008

in 365, Dance, Friends, General, Kerry Jen-Jen, Mental Pause and The Love

. 11 Comments

You can quote me on this, but link and trackback, cuz I’m all about watching my authority grow on Technorati.

When life hands you lemons, start a blog.

- Kerry On The Spot, September 2008 -

My! GOSH! Am I a flippin’ philosophic genius, or what? Oh, don’t touch me… I don’t wanna burn ya, for I. Am. On. Fire!

I am also a poet and were Ansel Adams alive, he’d prolly compliment my mad photography skillz. He’d probably say something like, “Jenny, ON THE SPOT you are! You have such an eye for composition… shading… I can almost feel the wind blowing from the ocean shore… The juxtaposition of…” And at this point all I would really hear him say is, “Praise Kerry! Praise Kerry! Praise be to the highly artistically evolved Kerry! Oh the highly gifted Kerry! You bring balance to nature and have a great sense of style… You bring the “yin” to the “yang”… The “feng” to the “shui”… The “peanut” to the “butter”…”

So. Are you ready? Are you ready to see what happens when mad photography skillz and phenomenal poetry unite in perfect harmony? Are you sure you are ready? I mean, the peoples of the world might actually join as one - hand in hand due to this one piece of artistic genius I created… You may want to sit down for this:

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Now that I have reeled you in, may I ask your advice? Do these shells make my the butt of a perfect stranger look big? Or does my this butt of a perfect stranger make these shells look small?

Also, do you think I could pull off the whole “mermaid look” for Halloween?

Just trying to figure out my costume for when I walk downtown nabbin’ the good candy from the merchants before all the little people get it. *Note to the very kind, but obviously clueless candy-hander-outer people: Don’t hand out those little looks-just-like-a-strawberry wrapped candy! No one wants those! My Public wants Kit-Kats, Butterfingers, Reese’s peanut butter cups, Snickers… Give the people what they want!

**A post-publish edit… Candy people: All Adither wants Laffy Taffy and Skittles. I can’t have any until my braces come off - so Angie - you can have mine :)

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And that, My Public, is why one should never eat brownies for breakfast. Children spin and tumble and tear curtains off windows when they have brownies for breakfast… This blogger gal right here, at this URL, she spins too - tales of grandeur! She also tumbles… truth into a web of insanity! Oh, and she might literally tear curtains of her walls, but that’s only because she has a poor sense of balance.

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Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Published

Continue reading ‘Confidence “Props”’

on September 24, 2008

in 365, Delusions of Grandeur, General, Kerry Jen-Jen, Mental Pause, Poetry and The Butt Series

. 14 Comments

Confidence “Props”

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, then success is sure.

Mark Twain

I got to thinking about confidence today. As far as ignorance goes - I got that covered. That “thinking” all started as I crafted a fine bowl of tasty mashed potatoes for dinner. Only the very best for my family.

I revved up that hand mixer while wearing black pants that I intended to wear out in public later in the evening… to my son’s soccer practice, but in public nonetheless. Despite my best efforts I found I was flinging chunks of mashed taters all over the kitchen and the aforementioned black pants destined for public viewing. I assessed the situation and dug out my apron.

In the moments between donning my 10 year-old, under-utilized apron and returning to tater-flinging (largely due the fact that the bowl I chose was far too shallow… but she was a favorite - a very attractive, delightful porcelain white bowl with a chunky rim… like you care…) I became someone else. “Jenny, the Wonder Cook”…. or “Jenny, Tater Beater Extraordinaire”… or “Jenny, Master of Food Stuffs”… or “Jenny - Butch, Baker, Fabulous Mashed Potato Maker.”

Published

on September 6, 2008

in 365, Eats, General, Kerry Jen-Jen, Mental Pause and Ridiculous

. 7 Comments

And THAT, my friends, is how it’s done…

Did you have opportunity to read yesterday’s post? I was a pathetic, overwhelmed, wallering mess. Very real-feeling, but pathetic and wallering… undoubtedly.

Wal-ler-ing:

v. when a chubby baby is oozing pints of green snot and her chubby hands rub, rub, rub that snot all over her cheeks and eyes and ears and hair. She wails because it’s miserable, but she keeps smearing the snot all over her chubby-helpless-baby being because she doesn’t even know what a tissue is! Poor baby! Somebody get her a mother!

I digress… when I write “wallering” - it is the adult equivalent of that. A helpless, emotional mess.

But you know what? In the moments between me emotionally and verbally vomitting the contents of my pre-menstrual aching brain all over the stinkin’ world wide world of the internet… Aunto Flo came knockin’. I clicked “publish” headed to bed, and… ummm… “answered the door”, if you will.

(Men? Did you stop reading?)

I knew it! I. Knew. It. I knew she coming, but there’s a window of 3-5 days. She’s not a good planner, that Aunt Flo.

And still… my under active thyroid is a problem.

Yes, the “too much to do and not enough time” thing is also still a problem.

Yes, the whole thing about my brain not stopping… EVERRR… that is also still a problem…

The guilt… the guilt… and the more guilt about ruining my children forever - is. still. a. problem.

Also, why does health insurance cost so much?

However. How. Ever. When Aunt Flo comes for her monthly visit - the week before her arrival she sends a magnifying glass that magnifies stuff. Imagine that! A magnifying glass that magnifies stuff! I am such a creative writer.

That magnifying glass increases in it’s magnificity (-ficiocity… -ficiousness… -ficitude…) as the day of Auntie’s arrival draws closer, until… KaPow! I finally see that the magnifying glass had been aiming a magnified beam of hot sun directly on my soul and conscience and the one nerve I have left.

Thank you dear friends (and family!) for your encouragement - not just in this post, but also in the multitudes before. Though I have not visited back in awhile, and can’t seem to keep up on replying to your comments… you keep encouraging me. And I am endeared to you… I WILL be catching up with each one of you. I have my hopes pinned on when school starts next week. Or sooner… or the week after. But I’ll be back… giving comment smooches, linky love, and handing out a diverse array of awards… or something.

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Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Published

on August 28, 2008

in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, Guilt, Kerry Jen-Jen, Mental Pause and Mutha' Hood

. 3 Comments

Do I have Multiple Personality Disorder?

Because I just got 2 mood rings - some swag from PBS at BlogHer ‘08 - and they are NEVER the same color.

Just wondering…

photo courtesy of… my iPhone :)

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Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Published

on July 19, 2008

in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, General, Mental Pause and iPhone

. 4 Comments

Bored?

Contrary to popular belief, I seldom find that I get to explore the feeling/condition/sensation of “feeling bored”. In fact, of all the feelings I experience as a woman who has had her saliva tested and is certifiably hormonally imbalanced… the condition of “boredom” is prolly the one condition I suffer from the least not at all. But I have found that you don’t have to be bored to spend lots and lots of time on mindless entertainment and visual stimulation. Jen, Lisa… shutup. I believe The Professionals have labeled it “denial”.

I visited Does This Blog make Us Look Fat?, and found a fun, new time waster obsession! Wordle.net. Ya go there. Then ya plug in your URL or type in a bunch of text. Then it throws the words together. Then you can play with fonts and colors and…

Ooooh….shiny….

Oh, sorry. I just got distracted by another Wordle… I think YOU should make a Wordle. Wow… look at all the pretty colors… Look, I just did another. The one above was created from plugging in my URL. For the one below I copied the text from one of my posts about my son:

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Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Published

Continue reading ‘I taught Sunday school’

on July 6, 2008

in 365, Artsy Fartsy, Bloggy Bloggy, General and Mental Pause

. 7 Comments

I taught Sunday school

the other day… To the 2-4 year old class. There were 10 of Them. Ten. My chest hurts thinking about it.

I got my degree in Social Studies. I received a teaching credential to teach at the secondary level. I actually taught high school for a whole year. I decided to teach youth because I was afraid of little people. I was afraid of - Yard. Duty. If I wanted to be a bouncer, I’d have worked at a bar.

You know what I think? I think pubescent lunacy is tame compared to… to… Preschoolers. In. Sunday. School. I’m quivering.

How the hockey sticks does classroom management work in Sunday School? Can you give a detention to a 2 year old in Sunday School? Not so mauch. Where’s the principal? Back up! I need back up!

Published

on June 24, 2008

in 365, Fa' Real?, General, Guilt, Kerry Jen-Jen and Mental Pause

. 6 Comments

Perhaps

I have been a bit superficial lately, what with dancing and general silliness and all. I know. Sometimes, digging into the emotional recesses of oneself can… well… can be not so much fun. I abhor conflict and find that I dodge stress like a pro-dodgeball playa. I think I may have been blog-living this credo: “If I don’t write it, I don’t have to deal with the crap.” *Ahem* Avoidance therapy, anyone? Apparently, avoidance ain’t no free ticket outta “Gotta Deal With It Land”.

Take for example, religion… I am a Christian. Did you know that? How far do I go into my relationship with God before this social platform blows up in my face… I’ve read comments on other blogs, and my physical heart doesn’t not take too kindly to what some people think is OK to say.

How about politics? I know I will be sitting in the nosebleed section of this arena when it comes to my blog home. “Oh Great - 2008″. Ugh. I will tell you this - not only am I a Christian, I am a Republican. I know - summa ya’lls skin is crawling. You don’t have to tell me that though :)

Death and Life. There have been significant losses in this last year, and I just can’t seem to get it out right here. I think it bothers some who know about these losses… How can she be so silly? How can she be so light-hearted?

I don’t know how to answer that. I am a SAHM with 3 young children… life and pressure and expectations abound… demands pull at me nearly minute by minute - however small, they are constant. CONSTANT. Laughter and light-heartedness are hard to come by if I don’t create it… make space and shove it in.

Where on earth am I going with this? I have no idea. I hesitate to get religious because of the controversy. I hesitate to get political for the same reason. I hesitate to write my grocery list because I don’t even want to look at that boring compilation of letters. Do ya’ll REALLY want to read about our doctors visit, and how many minutes it took to get from “Point A” to “Point B”, and how my hair got flat in the drizzle, and how I changed a diaper at 2 p.m.? That’s why the internet created Twitter…

It has come to my attention that certain reader circles want more… some want less… some want different. It has come to my attention I have let myself stay under the covers and it seems some of me has changed. Actually, I believe the focus for this blog has changed, and I hope it always will. It’s organic that way. It is about life. It (this blog) ages as I age, as my children age… Changes just like the seasons… except I’m pretty sure my blog changes won’t fit in perfect 3 month cycles. Maybe more like 28 day cycles… haha… humor…

For me, the beauty of blogging is the process. Redefining. Reshaping. Discovering… one’s style, one’s passions, one’s fears, one’s insecurities, one’s strengths. In this process we get to meet others who can encourage, and hopefully we get to be the ones TO encourage. We grow - and watch others grow. I am growing. I am changing. I want to hold back, but maybe I need to let go…

Gah. I’m too tired for this.

Published

on May 7, 2008

in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, General, Guilt, Kerry Jen-Jen and Mental Pause

. 5 Comments

Pantry Moments

I sit inside - cramming down a chocolate chip cookie after dinner.

It is second-rate, at best, but I eat it anyway.

I eat it as an act of comfort, and act of escape… an act of sanity.

My knees touch as my feet are placed wide apart.

I feel vunerable… like a knobby kneed child…

‘xceptin’ the fact there ain’t nothing knobby about these knees.

My shoulders are hunched…

Kids - The Whole World; Mom - 0

From my seat on the step stool I see: Continue reading ‘Pantry Moments’

Published

on April 22, 2008

in 365, General, Guilt, Mental Pause and Mutha' Hood

. 4 Comments

Migrations and Such

If you notice some strange things around my place, it’s because my site was tenderly migrated to a more stable server. While this is a very good thing… the htmlsesses and suchesses are a wee bit skewed. Kinda like the thoughts in my head. Please be patient - Oh the minions of fans who hang on to my every triple period pause… and striked-through ~~self-obsessed~~ secret thoughts…

Now for the “Such”…

I so want to gossip right now… Continue reading ‘Migrations and Such’

Published