Archive for the 'Not So Much' Category

Do nudists wear shoes? More from my searchers.

I have no idea if nudists wear shoes.  I do know I am a huge fan of clothing…I think it’s amazing how much better a body can look with clothes, than without. It’s true. But I am not going to focus on my physical imperfections. It wouldn’t be a long enough post anyway…. Pffft. Instead, Once again I bring to you… the things people search for online that bring them to Me! 

 Want to see some more? My opinion or helpful advice is written in italics…

Advice to parents about preschoolers - Pretend you are going to be riding the awesomest, most incredible, but scariest, drooliest roller coaster man has ever made… Buckle up and hunker down. You’re gonna love it, but it’s gonna make you sick and scream really loud. 

How to deal with babys witching hour - Find religion. And fast.

Adult pants pooping psychosis - *blinking* Continue reading ‘Do nudists wear shoes? More from my searchers.’

Published
by
jenny
on January 3, 2009
in Bloggy Bloggy, Delusions of Grandeur, Fa' Real?, General, Mutha' Hood, Not So Much and Ridiculous
. 7 Comments

A quickie

Here’s a quick post. I am feeling a bit undone… overwhelmed. Or maybe I am feeling like a roll of tape where you can’t find the end…. pissy. I feel like I want to cry, and I have no reason to except for the fact that I feel overwhelmed and pissy. See. Please, no pity party. This girl needs to buck-up and appreciate all the goodness that surrounds her. Right? I can’t help but think, though, a good cry would feel really awesome. 

So, in an effort of denial, and in an effort to focus on laughter — if it truly is the best medicine…

Go visit Sexy People.

Go!!!!!

Did you see the family portait with the girl with the Cabbage Patch doll? *gasping for air* Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom….

Holy-Oh-My-Heck! I laughed so hard my sides seized-up… I think I even laughed so deeply I honked. Honked. I probably am a Sexy People too. My heart’s desire is to put the photos from this site up on a big screen and watch them with all of you. And margaritas. I love watching funny stuff with my friends… souped up on margaritas. 

**********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

Subscribe to my Kerry On The Spot RSS feed

Subscribe to Kerry On the Spot by Email

 

 

Published
by
jenny
on December 19, 2008
in 365, Funny Funnerson and Not So Much
. 7 Comments

Miss Grumpy Pants

I’m feeling a wee-bit like a cranky kermudgeon (andIdon’tcareifIspelledthatwrong). It’s just the little things that are making me feel like I am being continuously ever-so-lightly flicked on the forehead continuously… I have a list. Bitter-miserable souls are good list-makers. At least there is some good in here somewhere.

  • The air-brushed fakey perfection of women in the media. As hard as I work to be less fat than I have ever been since hormones took over in the early 80’s… I will never… … … It really sucks being a real woman with a real body (like, never a size 0 - EVER!) in this age of Photoshopped fakeness. We have no appreciation for real beauty because of all the fake- crap we are bombarded with. Makes me want to puke, but not in an eating-disorder sort-of way. See? I am in a bad mood. 
  • I hate pimples. *holds back profanity*
  • Claims like the following just tick me the heck off. They communicate a false sense of hope for the most hopeless of people — parents of sleepless children:
  • When my computer freezes. Or is slow. I have things to do and have no time to wait for something like a COMPUTER to take time to think. Sheesh.
  • Inanimate objects. I am certain that while I sleep at night all inanimate objects meet to decide how they will orchestrate my emotional undoing. Fragile items jump away as I carry them, drawers “fall” and contents spill, said drawers suddenly become too “fat” for the opening they just fell from, necklaces tangle, packages meant for a 3-year-old to open — behave like Fort Knox, items intended to stay upright tumble… and don’t even get me started on how my wayward floss and braces laugh and taunt me as I make great efforts to be a good patient for my orthodontist… 
  • Martha Stewart recipes. This is a love-hate thing. She. Makes. Me. Crazy. But for some reason, I can’t quit Martha. {clutches chest}
  • People who write in all caps. All. Caps. WHAT? Is that voice immodulation carried over into print?


    • Voice Immodulation Syndrome from Tony Weber on Vimeo. 

    **********

    Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

    Subscribe to my Kerry On The Spot RSS feed

    Subscribe to Kerry On the Spot by Email

     

Published
by
jenny
on December 16, 2008
in 365, Fa' Real?, For Cryin' Out Loud!, General and Not So Much
. 7 Comments

The Great Cleanse FAIL of 2008

I started a “cleanse” yesterday. It was to last for 16 days. DAYS. So, pretty much, if I have ever laid at the doorstep of Hell…

This — is my story:

*The day started off great. I took my thyroid medication and waited an hour… I love waiting an hour to eat everyday for probably the rest of my life. My thyroid is so lame.

*I prepared my 1 cup of water and 1 tsp. of psyllium powder… to be followed by one cup of water married with the juice of half a lemon.

*Psyllium water tastes like A**!!! I’m sorry. I gagged and gagged and… MOTHER OF PEARL!!! Licking mold off bread might have gone easier. *gag*

*Breakfast: egg white omelette with onion and mushrooms. Alright.

*Not alright.  Why can’t I add tomatoes and zucchini, spinach, maybe some YOLK??? *hack*

*My Twitter post: “Jenny is hungry, under-caffeinated, has a raging headache, wants chocolate … and is cursing the concept of healthy eating. *raises fist to sky*”

*Another Twitter post: “Note to self: water spiked with psyllium powder triggers your sensitive gag reflex. Also, no amount of lemon water can unring THAT bell.”

*I suck down more lemon water, regular water and 2 cups of peppermint tea.

*Warning - TMI: Aunt Flo came over today. Great. I’m am laying at the doorstep of Hell and Aunt Flo just opened the door of Hell - and hit my head with it.

*I want a Frito boat. 
Continue reading ‘The Great Cleanse FAIL of 2008′

Published
by
jenny
on December 4, 2008
in 365, Eats, Fa' Real?, Friends, General and Not So Much
. 15 Comments

Maybe I should rethink this “vlogging” thing.

O.K. So. THAT didn’t go EXACTLY as I expected. 

In my defense, when I filmed this I still had not yet had my coffee. Not unlike a druggie without his “fix” for the day (or for the hour, I dunno the kinds of schedules druggies keep. Aaaaanywho…). However, a few lessons can be pulled from this experience. I am a giver, so to spare you the agony of making these same mistakes yourself, here are a few hints before filming footage for your next video/vlog post:

  • Consider background. The trash can is not the ideal background. A tacky-looking, dusty silk plant from your churchs’ foyer is better than a trash can… unless you are making a video of trash cans, of course.
  • Beware: apparently the camera brings out one’s “Valley Girl” accent. What’s up with that?
  • Wear make-up. 
  • Have a cuppa coffee.
  • Fix your hair. For goodness sake, find a flippin’ brush. It ain’t that hard.
  • Wear some glitter, it distracts from real-life flaws. And it’s fun.
  • Use a tripod. For so many reasons, Use. A. Tripod. 
*****
Unrelated to vlogging… here is something else I was not expecting:
According to synonym.com, there a no synonyms for chocolate! *rubs eyes*
What the…!!! What about words like: heaven, grace, mercy, true love, tranquility, manna, redemption… ??? !!! I was so stunned I had to take a closer look:

*still rubbing eyes* Really? What about: promised land, hope, glory, perfection, world peace & harmony ???

Dear www.synonym.com,

If you need a new editor, I’m available.

Sincerely,

Kerryonthespot

********************

Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Subscribe to the RSS feed!

Published
by
jenny
on November 19, 2008
in 365, Bloggy Bloggy, General, Not So Much, Ridiculous, Vlogging and Wasting Time
. 17 Comments

A craft, a peeve, & an odd thing.

The craft - I’m gonna try to complete a craft. Despite the fact that I could have sworn I birthed the very last crafting nerve out of my body when my last child was born over 3 years ago, I am going to do a craft! I have wanted to make an Advent calendar for YEARS, and I’m-a-gonna do it! I had a big credit at a scrapbook store, and saw a super-awesome Advent calendar and spent all my credit so I could copy the calendar perfectly and took a picture of the calendar because… it lasts longer (bahdumbum!)

Wish me luck!

The peeve - The little waist ties on sweat pants. Where are you supposed to put them? I don’t wear short shirts, so I always struggle with the “waist-tie bump” under my shirt… OR I struggle to strategically tuck them (read: keep them tucked) behind the waist band. But THEN… sometimes it is too hard to tie them in a nifty bow, so you tie it in a knot because there needs to be a point of tension or them sweatpants just won’t stay up… even if they’re tight. 

There’s more. So. When those whispy little ties are in a simple knot, it is not so easy to untie the knotted rascal when one is in a “pinch”… like, say — when a girl has got to use the restroom! Yeah! I don’t know about anybody else, but whens (I know “when” doesn’t have an “s” — EVER, but just pretend the “s” is a written way of me using my arms… body-language in type-form, if you will) I decide to take the time to answer nature’s call… the last thing I need is to fight with a stubborn knot. And that makes me feel angry.  

Furthermore… I am an adult woman, and while it might be somewhat “acceptable” for a 3-year-old to “not make it”… not so much for an adult woman. “I PEED!!!” sounds so much different coming from the mouth of a toddler than it does from and adult. Not to mention sheer quantity. TMI?

Which reminds me of an odd thing - I have a relatively sensitive gag reflex. It mostly has to do with conversational items that gross me out. Pictures too. But I’ve noticed another area in which my gag reflex is highly responsive… when I hurt myself. Which is none too rare. Lately (months and months - no I am not pregnant), I have noticed that when I stub my toe or slice my thumb off or hit my funny bone or get a good scratch or crack my head on an open cabinet door… I experience an overwhelming desire/need to vomit/gag. I used to cry or writhe on the floor… now I writhe, but also suffer waves of rather intense, but accute nausea. 

Is that normal? Don’t answer that.

********************

Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Click here and Feed Me!

Published
by
jenny
on November 13, 2008
in 365, Artsy Fartsy, Bloggy Bloggy, Fa' Real?, General, Not So Much and Wasting Time
. 10 Comments

A Moment of Silence.

If you need it. I need it.

Published
by
jenny
on November 5, 2008
in 365, Fa' Real? and Not So Much
. Closed

For Cryin’ Out Loud! Friday - Tire Swing Fail!

Fridge Friday seems to be on an extended vacation, so in the spirit of continued alliterative title-ness — I single handedly just came up with “For Cryin’ Out Loud! Friday”. I know, my brain is amazing.  I snapped the following 2 pictures when I went to Seabrook about a month ago - with a few girlfriends. My friend Katie and I went for a walk and found the most puzzling thing:

Yeah. That, my friends, is what I would label “a tire swing”… I had to climb onto rotting, moss covered trees to get close enough for my camera to capture this tire swing in all the eerie darkness… on a TREE OF DEATH FOR TIRE SWING SWINGERS!!! Can anyone say, “Tire swing fail!”? Katie and I just stood aghast. Maybe it wasn’t really a tire swing. Maybe it was actually a torture swing. I dunno. It’s hard to speculate the thought process behind something like that. Here’s another shot:

Do you see those impalers branches? Swing left - death… Swing right - death. Hmmm… oddly political, wouldn’t you say? Aaaanywho. For Cryin’ Out Loud! 

********************

Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Click here and Feed Me!

Published
by
jenny
on October 17, 2008
in For Cryin' Out Loud!, General and Not So Much
. 7 Comments

Note to self: Shaving and Camping

When camping, consider a new “path” for that leg hair. Braiding, perhaps? For oft-times the showers at camp are glorified caves with plumbing. A simple equation of words will demonstrate:

 

“Cave” = “Cold”

“Cold” = “Goose Bumps”

Alas…

“Shaving” + “Goose Bumps” = “Bloody stump of a leg”

Just say “NO!” to camp shaving.

********************

Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Click here and Feed Me!

Published
by
jenny
on August 26, 2008
in 365, Beauty - ha!, General, Not So Much, Note to Self and Take My Advice
. 10 Comments

Note to self: Music choices for children

Welcome to my new series, Note to Self. In this series I will simply post the mental notes to myself I usually leave and lose in my mind. Without further ado, my very first…

When your 6 year old daughter asks to listen to music “with a girl singing” - don’t play Madonna. Songs titled “Into the Groove” and “Lucky Star” seem innocent enough - until you watch your daughter lip-syncing the lyrics, “…touch my body…”. That’s just wrong. Very. Wrong.

********************

Keep up-to-date on the insane, the insightful, and the whatever…

Click here and Feed Me!

Published
by
jenny
on August 9, 2008
in 365, Mutha' Hood, Not So Much and Note to Self
. 8 Comments