Blogger, mother, dreamer, swimmer, biker, runner, coffee-drinking mistress of silliness… all in exciting Kitsap County!
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Ha. Ha.
Made ya look!
I don’t have a nubbin! I may have one GI-NORMOUS eye, but no nubbin.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa….
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I should actually be posting “The Bloscars Part 3″, but I do not have all my links and accolades together, so… tomorrow… tomorrow… Unless I don’t get my act together tonight. Which is entirely possible, but let’s not gossip about my shortcomings. M’kay? It’s not nice to gossip.
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I pretty much love coffee. I started drinking it to fit in several years ago. I live near Seattle. Not drinking coffee definitely put me in a socially awkward position. I am not a huge fan of tea, and ordering hot chocolate felt like ordering a Sprite at a night club. My dad wisely advised against my effort when he said,
Kerry. Don’t TRY to like coffee. You have enough addictions as it is.
He is a wise man. I should have listed to him. I should have also listened to him when he pretty much grounded me from “going around with” my first boyfriend too… I so could have done without that. Jen, shutup.
I have actually shared my love and adoration for coffee before — in this post. However, I am on the eve of perhaps having to go without this “heaven on my lips” for two weeks starting tomorrow. Why? Probably because I am certifiably crazy. Why the H E doublehockeysticks do I think starting a “cleanse” might be a good thing to do in DECEMBER. Granted, in all reality, the 2 weeks will probably last all of 1.5 days - at which point you will find me — in my dark pantry tearing into the frozen bag of chocolate chips I duct taped shut — to soothe my tattered nerve (yes, I have but ONE) after something a child said or did or said and did.
Alas, a haiku, for all the talented I am at haiku-ing. *shaking head*
Love, love, love, love, love.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
Love, love, love coffee.
Why am I not published? Seriously.
Again, Vogue? Why am I not published? Seriously. I actually feel a little bit sorry for the whole world. My gosh, they are missing out on some serious sickness talent.
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I have a real post about what I am REALLY thankful for… scroll down to the next post. Happy Thanksgiving, my friends and lurkers :)
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Hey you… Yeah you — sipping on your coffee/eating a muffin/scratching your head/twiddling your thumbs… Come here… A little closer… A little closer… I have a secret. You’re not going to tell anyone are you? Thank you. I really need to get this off my chest and I need to be able to trust you with my secret.
I love glitter.
I love glitter.
Love. Her.
I even wrote a Haiku about her:
Shiny. Sparkly. Joy.
Reflecting bright rays of light.
Celebrate Glitter.
I was at one of those “craft stores” yesterday. I cringe thinking about it. I truly feel out of my element near any craft-type stuffs anymore. Don’t get me wrong — I CAN craft… I HAVE crafted, but all the “gear” upsets my psyche and makes me want to pull my hair out. More “stuff” is the opposite of what I need in my life.
Unless the “stuff” is glitter… Oooh, shiny…
I happened upon a scrapbooking paper pack at that store yesterday. But not just ANY paper pack - a GLITTER paper pack. I gasped - out loud. Be still my not-gonna-get-crafty-anytime-soon-heart. Oh the colors of glitter I saw! Oh the charming designs only made charming-er by…. GLITTER! Kudos to me though, I didn’t buy it. I am a picture of control.
Aaaanywhoooo… The best part of my relationship with glitter is the part where I wear it. I have no idea how many cans of glitter spray I own. It’s almost as if a layer of glitter helps me hide… a “security blanket” of sorts, if you will. It is as if when the glitter is on… So. Am. I. The sparkly tiny squares of reflectivity help deflect the insecurities of a gal who… probably loves glitter so much because… it is a really good choice of accessory for… a gal with adult-onset ADHD. So many points of light!
My Public is starting to recognize this about me. The glitter, not the ADHD… Not too long ago, when I was at a local street dance with my family — an acquaintance/friend inquired, “What? No glitter?!”
Truthfully, I think it’s a confidence issue — and what do all confidence issues require??? PROPS! It seems glitter has become my “general use” confidence prop.
May I give you a challenge? An assignment? Next time you meet someone wearing glitter - observe how your interaction with them goes. Better yet, glitter spray is CHEAP people! Give your hair and arms a spritz or 2 or 3 and test Your Public… I think the presence of glitter breaks down walls and brings people together. There is a certain level of fascination about what kind of person would do such a thing. True, it may frighten some (probably mostly Vampires because of their “issues” with light), but I believe most come around … because secretly…
Everyone loves glitter.
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I LUV ME MAH SCARVES.
As I pulled out my winter scarves, I felt like a magician pulling scarves from a top hat. I just kept going and going and going… My Scarfaholism is not due to an irrational fear of Vampires - nor is my neck the coldest part on my body. My butt and my feet are my coldest “parts”. And while I will wear thick socks to keep the tootsies warm… I will not wear socks on my butt. That is just not a good look for me…
I wear scarves because they add a smidge more warmth - like a blanket for your neck! They are also a nice little “accessory”… A little pop of color to brighten up a dreary Fall or Winter day… I might even say, “the scarf” was my original “confidence prop“.
A scarf can also double as a noose - when one’s young children tug on it to get attention. Good times. But like my Grandma used to tell me in the 80’s when I’d complain about the stinging pain on my scalp from the activator in the perm treatment, “Pain for beauty, Kerry… Pain for beauty…” I love my Gramma. Maybe I’ll give her a scarf for Christmas…
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I met an very angry hot dog today. It seems he was not so “hot” about the idea of being microwaved to death for lunch.
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I still know all the words to “Only In My Dreams” by Debbie Gibson.
ALL. THE. WORDS.
I am so embarrassed. Please, dear World Wide Interwoven Web… don’t tell anyone. M’kay?
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I am not exaggerating. Not one bit. I am not right. After last night, methinks I may need to seek professional help. Last night, I ran from ghosts… or at least from whatever was giving me little bumpies all over mah bawdy.
I was madly putting laundry away last night. I was gettin’ things done! I was by my own self in mah big -ol’ house. Mah big ol’ house that is only 2 years old. Mah big ol’ house that I am pretty sure is not built on an old graveyard or ancient burial site. Pretty sure.
Alls I know is I was putting away a bunch of laundry when I got all chill bumpy, and such. Now, I creep-out with relative ease, and I am familiar with what it takes to calm myself down. But I watched some clip the night before on ghosts occupying Lorette Lynn’s house and the ghost-hunter dude was so creeped out even he didn’t stay very long. I know I should never watch that garbage. It took, like, 2 years for me to mostly get normal after watching that 6th Sense movie. I blame my mental deficit for not being able to differentiate reality from psychosis on watching Poltergeist when I was, like 7. That’s wrong. Continue reading ‘Confession: I am Whack!’
Oooh. That sounds so, so… 90210 (with Brenda and Kelly and Brandon and Dillon, not that new-fangled show - I am ALL about “old school”)… but back to soccer. I am writing about a new way of life for me, for my family. I am laying it all out, like a well-prepared student does with his/her clothing the night before school.
It all stated back in 197? when my dad made me play soccer because he was the coach. My poor dad. He never had a chance.
I mean - look at me (I’m the princess on the left - the princess on the right is Jen from Preteens, Toddlers, Newborns, Oh My!). How on earth does such an adorable little girl EVER play soccer??? Huh??? Hello!!! She TWIRLS! She PICKS DANDELIONS! Princesses do not “play” soccer. At least, not in the way The Soccer People intended. Continue reading ‘Confessions of a new soccer mom.’
I yelled at my kids today. Really. Yelled. I think I popped a blood vessel in my neck. I know the kids’ eyes nearly popped outta their heads at all the yellin’ that went on… Oh how beautiful their dear mother must have looked to them as she frothed at the mouth… (frothed??? I am mentally deficient today… What? Now suddenly froth is what comes from the mouth of a rabid dog???!!!) …. Let’s take it from the top … Oh how beautiful their dear mother must have looked to them as she FOAMED at the mouth like a rabid dog while giving them a piece of her strung-out mind.
I sped.
I bought a mocha. Gotta watch the budget - buying fru-fru coffee needs to stop… except maybe once a week… or during a crisis… like mornings I yell at my kids and need to sooth my filthy-blackened-rotting soul.
My laptop bag strap slipped off my shoulder and fell to the ground. Obviously, said laptop was not damaged.
I ate my leftover food from Claim Jumper for lunch: roasted chicken, 2 ribs, a fried cheesy-potato patty coated in bread crumbs, and Cole’s leftover mac-n-cheese. So much for that 4 mile run and 300 burned calories this morning.
My lunch chaser: a Twinkie.
Did I mention I REALLY yelled at my kids this morning. I suppose I should be comforted by the fact I feel bad about it. That may be the only difference between me and the Night Stalker - guilt/ a conscience… Oh, and the fact that I’m a woman and he’s not. And I may be better lookin’, but that’s subjective.
Hey - a whole half of the day is left! Oh boy, what who else can I ruin?
Update, 1600+hours: I am a lip gloss FIEND. I couldn’t find any of the 13 thousand dozen I own, so I used my 6-year-old daughters Camp Rock lip gloss. All day.
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Pre-post business (heh, I wrote “business”): Due to my poor technical skillz - I can’t fix my broken Wordpress photo uploader… I am afraid to add a Flickr application for Wordpress to load my pics in a post (instead of the Wordpress uploader)… and my “blog this” settings are jacked in Flickr so I can’t even blog a pic from there. SO INSTEAD - if you click RIGHT HERE you will see a great shot of my BlogHer namebadge - and the sparkly shirt I eventually ruined for all the wine I spilt on it.
Back to business (heh)… I wish I could have written this a week ago, because as I look through all my cards, read through comments left by my new BlogHer ‘08 friends, friends, friends, friends, and friends, and read the posts that have given their linky love in their recaps - I am humbled and shamefully aware that the details are fading! Come, listen in on the monologue in my head:
Oh. I remember this card! Did I meet her at the Newbie Mixer, or was it the People’s Party after I spilled half-a-glass of wine all over my semi-splarkly white shirt that won’t return to it’s natural semi-sparkly whiteness. Drats. I wonder if I can get another at Old Navy… Or did we meet at that Speed Dating thing… Doggone stain!…
And while the details become more fuzzy as the cruel hands of time frey the strands of my memory… I am still the girl who gets lost following inane tangents… who finds herself writing about Old Navy instead of BlogHer ‘08. See?!
Should I start with the Newbie Mixer where the juice of fermented grapes flowed like a waterfall? Yes. I should start at the place where one would merely look at another Newbie and conversation flowed like a river of water (because isn’t that what usually flows through rivers - water?). See - tangent!
My new friend: What do you blog about?
Voice in-my-head: She used the word “blog” and looked neither confused nor irritated! I think I am in love with her!!!
Me, using my outside voice: Oh, I’m a mom, so I got the “mom thing” and then just a bunch of silliness… some serious too, but mostly…. yadda, yadda, yadda…
My new friend(s): Do you have a card? I have a card… ***Squeals, hugs, giggles, blog, blog, blog, blog, blog!!!***
I met my first blog-celeb at the newbie mixer - Kristy Sammis of She Just Walks Around with It! She also writes for BlogHer… which is where I discovered Kristy. Her post there titled Balls of Death nearly killed me for all the uncontrollable laughing it evoked from the very core of my being. I think I may have scared the poor dear with my enthusiasm and gushy-ness - kind of like putting too much frosting on a cupcake. I know… there is no. such. thing. as TOO MUCH FROSTING! Unless, you’re a real human, and then, maybe… just maybe… Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to NOT follow a “frosting” tangent?!
Aaaanywho - from the Newbie Mixer Jen and I headed to The People’s Party, where she introduced me as “Drunk” instead of my given name “Kerryonthespot Kerry”. Let me tell ya’ll something about me and Jen - we were college roommates - at a Baptist college. We never drank… well, OK, there was 1 time. But other than that - I liked to play it safe and not get kicked out of school. So, Jen has never seen me “not ‘drunk’… but ‘at ease’”. I was also very excited and my altered alter ego (Jennyonthespot) got to hang out with real-life people! She was so ecstatic.
We left the Newbie Mixer and headed off to The People’s Party (view my picture here) with wine spilled down the side of my cute white top. But you can’t see it in this video. This was actually supposed to be a picture, but the camera was in video mode and, well… I was unable to discern the camera mode for all the “at ease” I was feeling.
That’s me, Jen, and… help!!!
It was in the hallway near The People’s Party that Jen and I met Violet the Verbose of Verbosity Abounds. We and Violet ended up spending much of the rest of the conference together. Without planning, we’d just meet up - it was like… destiny :) “Violet” - I don’t think I ever told you, but you have the greatest smile. Very warm and welcoming. Anyone want to see that smile? CLICK HERE! ”Violet” It was awesome to have time to get know you and to start a friendship :)
Oh, I’m not done.
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