So, instead of cleaning up my title so as to keep ya’llseses minds outta the gutter, I’m gonna leave that up to you. Instead, I want to ask:

If I eat ALL this Christmas snack, will it make my butt look big?

Don’t feel like you have to answer that. In fact, it is a rhetorical question, so… hush. Except still leave a comment. Bloggers do it for the comments. 

Oh hey. Do you want the recipe to this delightful treat? Since you asked:

1 sleeve of Saltines (yes, this is the highest requested Christmas snack in Beverly Hills…)

1 c. butter (Already, you’re drooling… the word “butter” makes me salivate too. I am just like Pavlov’s dog, but bells don’t make me drool, the word “butter” does. But I digress.)

3/4 c. brown sugar (I use dark, but I’m kinda crazy like that… Some friends use white sugar, but the most of us favor the brown sugar…)

12 oz./2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips (You may use milk chocolate, but… why? You may use dark, but they don’t melt and spread quite as easily.)

3/4 c. chopped love (i.e. nuts, candy canes… I use candy canes *swoon*)

Preheat oven to 450* (I can’t type that degree thing). Line a 10×15 inch cookie pan with foil. Spray the foil with cooking spray. Lay out saltines. Boil sugar and butter for 3 minutes. Pour mixture over crackers and spread as evenly as your temper will permit. Bake at 400 for 5 minutes.

Remove from oven. Sprinkle with chocolate chips. Allow to set for a minute and spread melted chips with spatula. Sprinkle the chopped love of your choice and pat it down a touch… lightly. Cut diagonally immediately or allow to cool and break into pieces. 

I have tried both cutting and breaking and both methods cause me to feel much frustration. Just work through it. It is well worth the frustration. Also, be sure to get all that foil off. Just a word of advice. In the end you have a sweet and salty treat that is actually titled: Saltine Chocolate Pieces. Fancy. That’s me. Always bringing you the finer things in life…

And now that Christmas is over… let’s just view this post as me being REALLY on top of helping you be prepared for next Christmas. M’kay?

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Let’s begin!

From my friend Jill:

My 3 1/2 yr old told me I have a big butt. She was nice about it. I said “No. I. Don’t.” I really don’t. She replied “Yea - LOOK behind you.” Very sweetly.

Bwahahahaaahahhaaaa!

Jill’s story reminds me of a story I’d swore I’d never tell here. But, I have no integrity or shame when it comes to a good story so, here goes. I was taking a shower one morning. I seldom get to shower without my 3 1/2 year old standing by… sharing stories and asking questions. She ofetn sets up a towel and “supllies” and hunkers down whilst I try to get my clean on. Anywho. One day, she just blurts out, 

Mama. I not like your bottom.

“Then get the heck outta my bathroom you self-esteem murderer!!!” I didn’t say that, but(t)…

*****

Then there’s this little guy. My friend Heidi at Heidiology posted this video several days ago (*note: the “p” word is used)…

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I resist resolutionizing because I think it sets a person up for failing. And to be quite honest, I fail quite well without setting myself up for it, thankyouverymuch. I mean, don’t you remember my first vlog?

But I have reconsidered. Why? Well, it seems when people make resolutions — they speak about themselves. And, quite frankly, I am huge fan of Myselves. So, it is quite natural for me to do something about, around, for, against, and to… Myselvesesessses. Also, I plan on setting no-fail goals… shooting for the win-win and whatnot. Who wins? Me… and… Me :)

Without further ado, my no-fail resolutions:

Manatees. I resolve to learn more about and appreciate the under-appreciated manatee. How much do I really know about the plight and life-cycle of the manatee? 

photo via scienceblogs.com

- I have achieved my goal. I just skimmed that article, and now know more about manatees than I did 2 minutes ago. See? Win-win.

Beg. I resolve to beg more. In my life of timidity (shutup), I have learned that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. At the risk of sounding terribly inappropriate… I’m gonna get some grease. You can vote for me here, here, here, and here. If you only choose one, choose the first one. I am that vein vain.

- Check!

The Dishes. I resolve to let my 3 year old do the dishes.

- Check!

Be kind to myself. I resolve to do that.

- Done.

Eat Oreos. In 2009 I will eat Oreos.

- Dizzledone! P.S. A special thanks to Furiousball for the whole FB wall screenshot idea! Shazam!

Indulge my alter ego. Alright folks. Apparently, my alter-ego, Kerryonthespot2, has set up her own Twitter account. I think she did it when I was sleeping. She is such a sneak. Since I resolved to indulge her… I will give her a free plug here in this post. You can follow her on Twitter — @jennyonthespot2. 

- There. Done. I hope she’s happy.

Lastly… I resolve to make no more resolutions for 2009. Unless I think of one that I think is really great, of course.

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 Want to see some more? My opinion or helpful advice is written in italics…

Advice to parents about preschoolers - Pretend you are going to be riding the awesomest, most incredible, but scariest, drooliest roller coaster man has ever made… Buckle up and hunker down. You’re gonna love it, but it’s gonna make you sick and scream really loud. 

How to deal with babys witching hour - Find religion. And fast.

Adult pants pooping psychosis - *blinking*

What high school did kevin bacon attend - Who cares? What’s important is he’s always had a crush on me.

Kerry drunk blogher 08 - Just because a girl went to a conference in San Francisco, without children and… and… doesn’t mean… OK. Let’s just not go into it. Besides, I think the searcher was looking for this Kerry… Who, by the way, said I could hang out with her in the men’s bathroom at the next party she helps hosts and hides from. She may not remember she said that to me, but I do. And somehow I think she’ll learn to love me. I will make her love me…

Frito boat pictures and recipes - Between this search and searches for Oreos, I may become the leading cause of heart disease.

Advice for parents of preschoolers - Start drinking. It’ll make the voices blur… By “drinking” of course I am speaking of hydration. Of course…

Lucy you are a poo poo head - whu?

Cat poo and tinsel - huh?

Martha stewart boiled chestnuts - Wrote about that here. P.S. Martha has a staff.

Hairy butt cake - I will not come to your party. And I am a HUGE fan of cake, but even I draw the line somewhere.

Preschooler not wanting to wear socks or shoes - Typical. Come to think of it… nudists do not wear shoes… or socks.

Spot multiple personalities - Here.

Making fun of people on monday - Here.

I need to make my friend laugh - see above.

I need to read something that makes me laugh so hard i pee my pants - see above, above.

Buy a oreos advent calendar 2008 - They make those??? Glory be!

Pig nose ring girl - Hey. Should I be taking that personally? *snort*

Acrostic girls name jenny - Kerrylicious Exceptional Nutty Nouveau Yamalamadingdong.

Kerry form flippin out -

I love coffee i love tea i love the girls and the girls love me - 

Female grumpy disorder - More commonly referred to as PMS - a.k.a., “Pass My Sweatpants”

Do people with multiple personalities change eye color? - Why am I suddenly the “go to” place online for MPD? Oh yeah. Never mind.

Candy canes and incontinence - No. The heck?!

My hott scissor comments - What am I supposed to do with that?

One big eye what are you looking at - It hurts, but I can’t deny my one big eyeness.

Kerry name in glitter - Gonna have to find me that. Sounds awesome. I wonder if I bat my lashes, tossle my hair and ask reeeeal nice… do you think Hollywood would take down their sign and put up ***JENNY***

Is it ok for deer to eat oranges? - Oranges? I wish they would. I’m still bitter about my flowers!

Caffeine delusions of grandeur - Yes, and…

What are some good dancing props - Red sparkly Converse, scarves, glitter, necklaces, good friends. Oh, and martinis.

How to hang tinsel - Isn’t this knowledge innate? 

Insanejenny blog - That’s right.

Postpartum tummy wrinkles - Unfortunate, but true. *gag*

Different places in a home where you can hang tinsel - I think the question you should be asking is, “Where CAN’T you hang tinsel?”

Joney poopoo heads birthday party - Seriously?

Evil queen jenny jen jen 21 - You may start calling me that now. NOW. mwahahahahaaa…

Shots to make butt larger - Searcher, you need help.

Toddler girls sweatpants 18 m with sayings on the butt - You, my friend, need to take a parenting class. We do not let our little girls wear words on their butts. They are children, not hussies.

Where to find candy cane oreos - They’re gone! We have to wait until next season :( The agony!!!

Coffee makes me crazy but clear - Amen.

Candy cane oreos - Um. Of course they found me. Clearly.

Alltopmoms - I’m there. Scroll way, way. way, way down…. but you’ll find me there.

How to wear anything with confidence - Just wear it, Sista… or Brotha. Work it. Move it. Own it…

Besides, I gotta tell ya something(s)!

The first thing – my first post at Type-A Mom is UP, like a hot air balloon on a perfect day! Would you like to read it? O.K. You will find the post here. If you want, you can leave a comment there. It would make me feel all gushy… cuz, we bloggers all know that we do it for the comments *blush*.

Also. I committed a crime of omission. I never told you about my New Years resolution for 2009… It was to get 30 40 80 100 or more comments on my last post of 2008. So, since that goal has not been met, I will link to that post — right here. And I will wait. I will wait for those who partied too hard yesterday and did not make it here to comment. I will wait for the lurkers to gain the courage to speak.

It’s O.K., my timid ones… you can do it. I won’t bite. Really. I have a heart of gold and my belly is full of Oreos (a.k.a.”Gloreos”) because I ate a lot of them last night. I also ate a lot of chicken buffalo dip. I should give you the recipe. If you are not in love with me yet… that recipe would seal the deal… we’re talkin’ shredded chicken, hot sauce, cream cheese, blue cheese, ranch dressing and cheddar cheese. Baked. Not healthy, I know, but “healthy” won’t make you love me… “cheesey goodness” is where true love dwells… Obviously, this girl knows how to ring in a new year…

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Who… or what is this blog about? Yes… Me. And what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t give you as much of me as I possibly could? Batten down the hatches people… for today you get to meet My best friend. We had a wonderful time together yesterday. We took lots and lots and lots of pictures TOGETHER. I want to share them with you. My BFF is vibrant. She is beautiful. She is smart and witty and loads of fun to be around…. She makes the world a better place… Because we look so much alike, I should tell you, she’s the one on the left.

I told you she was gorgeous.

This was our first moment together…

I love you… No. I love You!

I could just kiss you, BFF!

Girl. That’s wrong. No more kissin’ on the lips. M’kay? So glad we are on the same page.

Let’s blow kisses instead…

After we resolved our “greeting issues” we turned on the computer… I had some YouTube videos I just HAD to show her… but I think I must’ve typed in xxxTube-r-something, cuz we were in shock…

And because we are so alike, both our highly sensitive gag reflexes kicked in…

My BFF can be a little judgmental, and she questioned my character over that little “incident”… I questioned whether she really knew me…

I was hurt. I thought she knew me better than that. So we stopped talking for awhile.

But it didn’t last long… We cried that we hurt each other…

And we forgave… “I forgive you BFF!” Friends Forever! I love you man…

And we agreed that the next time we went online, we’d be much more careful before we look…

Because we are very deep, we dug into each other’s lives… There were some surprises…

Intrigue…

… and even a wee bit of concern as we shared our deepest secrets.

I showed her my blog and told her all about You… You had her riveted.

I let her read a few of Your comments. She was also speechless.

I just love my BFF… We always have a real time when we put out heads together…

Sadly, all good things must come to an end… and it was time for her to go…

I told her, let’s not cry… I was honest… I told her when she cries it make her nose turn red and that is not a good look for her. She was all, “I know BFF, you look horrible when you cry too.” We hugged and posed for our last shot… 

2 friends

2gether

————-

4ever

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I feel like I need to defend myself… my kids do not listen to that “Whutwhut” song. I do, but I am a bit of a homegirl (I mean, check out my arm pump people… I am an ANIMAL!)… The “whutwhut” actually came from some influence on the Disney channel, and I feel enough shame just from that. But what was funniest to me was the fact that the kids sounded like the “MineMineMine” seagulls in Finding Nemo (found in the first 25 seconds of the following video):

So, in essence, I spent the night with A Flock of Seagulls last night. Back in the 80’s had I started THAT rumor, I’d have been one popular girl… 

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It’s Make Me Laugh Monday! If you would like to join in, add your name and link to your specific funny post in the Mr. Linky at the end of this post. Feel free to use the MMLM graphic in your post, and be sure to link back to this specific post. Not to bore you with mundane details, but if there is questionable video or audio content, please give a bit of warning in your post so those of us with little ones underfoot can preserve their innocence :) Thanks so much. Now, for laughter — I have 2 things to share today:

*****

I volunteered to help out with the children’s choir at church - for their Christmas performance. We had rehearsal yesterday. There is this adorable little girl in the choir… I think she is in kindergarten… the smallest child in the choir. She was to lead the group offstage at the end of the performance. I kept saying, “Now ‘YOU, HONEY’ go this way…”. I could not remember her name. I finally broke down:

Me (bending to reach her eye-level): Honey. I am so sorry, but I can’t remember your name…

Little girl: Wolf

Me, to this very adorable, very sweet, very girly little girl: I’m sorry. What?

Adorable little girl: Wolf

Me, stuttering: Did you?… I… uh… What???

Little girl ooozing adorable out of every cute pore: I said my name is Wolf. I changed my name to Wolf. *sweetest. smile. ever.*

Me, desperately trying to keep a straight face: OH… Alright… Wolf… I need you to… …

I spoke to her mom this morning and said: I asked your daughter her name yesterday and she told me her name is…

Her mom: Wolf?

Me: Yup

The mom: She either goes by Wolf or Snake. She has a very independent spirit.

*****

My friend Lisa shared a link with me today. It is a post over at louisgray.com. The title of the post is: The Christmas Story, As Told Through Twitter. If you are not familiar with Twitter, you may not get this… if you are familiar with Twitter… this is pee your pants funny. Go. Potty. Now… It kills me that he even uses hashtags… #caesartax… #bigstar… The entire text below will take you to the full post, just click on it….

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Only 3 more days left of the Blog 365 challenge… I made the decision to join this challenge was called-out by my friend Jen about this time last year… I made a long list of things to write about. The original list would have given me about 40 days of writing.

I think I only made it through half that list. I have gotten so distracted… by great links, new friends, myself, vlogging, search results, Make Me Laugh Mondays (that’s tomorrow - don’t forget to play tomorrow and link to your funny post here!) and my adult-onset ADHD has really intensified! Whoa! Who knew I’d have MORE than enough content to play with. There were days I posted twice. TWICE. It seems that the more I wrote… the more there was to write, to share, to digress from, to twist… I used to enter a day with a mindset of “survival”, I now enter my day with a mindset of “how can I write about what I just experienced?”. Bloggers, I know you know exactly what I mean. 

I’ve heard the phrase, “Be nice or I’ll blog about you” (I actually have a shirt with that saying… got it as swag from BlogHer ‘08), but I think it’s more than that — “Be nice to me AND I’ll blog about you”, heck… just “Be, and I’ll blog about you.” I don’t discriminate… be you child, adult, animal or donut. All is fair game in blogs and social media. When a girl needs content, a girl finds content.

I am relieved to be nearly done with this  365 “test”… On the other hand, I kinda want to keep going. On the other hand, I kind of need a break. On the other hand, I still have 4 or 5 awards to hand out… and I think I want the start of 2009 to be all about appreciating my people… my friends who have touched my life and filled it up. I feel like an octopus with all these “other hands” I have right now.

I also want a cookie. But I digress…

*****

I am excited to share that I recently received the opportunity to be a Just for Moms editor over at Type-A Mom! Their wonderful tagline reads: Real moms sharing real advice. I wish I could direct you to my first posting over there, but I can’t. Why? Because I haven’t posted yet. As soon as I do, you bet I’ll get on the horn here and give you the link! I am so grateful for an opportunity to write in a space outside of my own. Fellow moms, if you haven’t visited Type-A Mom, I strongly encourage you to do so! It is a wonderful site dedicated to moms in all stages… I am so impressed with the diversity they offer — stages, mom topics, mom types, moms by age, a connections space…

Type-A Mom desires original content. So, my posts there won’t be my posts here, and that just means when I post there, I will post a link here… instead of the full article.  I am excited for the challenge to stretch and write on a specific theme - instead of willy nilly. I have even made a list! Go figure! 

*****

I am at a loss for a conclusion. My head is spinning! Tonight, my children are with friends… I am going to use this time to draft that first post for Type-A Mom… pull tomorrow’s Make Me Laugh Monday together… and I’m thinking the 1473 1475 1478 emails in my 2 email accounts needs to be tended to. I want to start the year off with a manageable number of emails. Is it too much to hope to catch up on RSS feeds too? I know you have been so busy — there is so much for me to catch up on!

BTW, in case it has been awhile since I have visited your site… email me a favorite recent post of yours (jennyonthespot at gmail dot com) and I would love to Stumble it as I tend to my inbox tonight. I got all squared away with StumbleUpon last night and am ready  and excited to spread the love!

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Right now we are all still sugaring-down, rubbin’ our bellees and moaning about how tight our jeans are… yes? (If not, then I suspect you have no heart… Just sayin’.) But some are also pondering those pesky resolutions that creep up this time of year. This post is not so much a New Years Resolution post, though… it’s about the fact that I think I have finally set a training goal for 2009… But before I tell you about that goal, let’s watch a video that will surely motivate you to get moving…

Oh. I must have embeded the wrong code… my bad! Anywho. Loo makes some very good points. I wonder if we could hit-up the ice cream truck sometime… Loo — my treat :)

I have been waffling over the last few months whether to commit to a full marathon or a triathlon with a bit more length (half-iron)… I want to accomplish both someday, but am coming to accept the reality I will not be able to  both in one season… due to limits in time and trying to stay injury-free.

*****

Dear Nike, I COULD have time to train, if you’d sponsor me…

Dear International House of Pancakes, I COULD have time to train if you’d sponsor me… “My name is Kerry! I just finished a half-iron triathlon and I sure have a hankerin’ for a big plate of Rootie-Tootie Fresh and…

Nevermind.

*****

I am drawn to the sport of triathlon because of the diversity. I am drawn to running because it is the simplest- the least gear and hassle. I also get the best physical results in the least amount of time… but it poses greater risk for my knees.

So. What’s a girl to do? It looks like this girl has her sights set on a full marathon in May. My friend Katie posed the idea today… and I accepted! I was thinking about one in July, but I want to keep mid-summer my tri-focus. So….starting Monday - I have 18 weeks (either this plan or this plan) to work my way up. CP at 3 Giraffes… ya wanna go too? 

I am not going to can my tri-dream. At this point I think the reasonable goal is to keep my tri-distance at an Olympic distance, though I’d love to find a local one like the one Kathleen at Forging Ahead did (between an Olympic & half-iron)… I’ll keep my eyes peeled…

In the meantime… I’ll be tracking my progress at DailyMile. If you are not familiar with DailyMile, and you want to track your own progress - whether event-specific or just tracking… I strongly suggest checking out DM. You can track multiple sports, make notes on your workouts, make friends with folks who training for similar events, and even give/receive motivation from the community there. I had been keeping a triathlete training diary, but the math is kickin’ my butt - DailyMile does my math for me! 2 thumbs up! Another bonus - for us Twitterers… your workout updates post to Twitter if you choose that option… Oh, sweet technology…

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